Month: March 2016

I’ve learned so much about myself recently. I feel like a brand new person every day. It’s hard to keep up with the revolving door of thoughts and decisions entering my mind. I’m astonished by the vast differences of the person I am today, from yesterday, from last week, and most definitely last year.

This time last year, I was scrambling for a transfer at work. I was scrambling for a place to live, in a city that was TBD.  I was scrambling for a love that never existed, with a person I never actually knew. I was going through the motions of a life that I was just scrambling to make my own, without much regard to my true character or passions.

Since last year, I’ve landed amazing opportunities amongst amazing people. People wishing my success as much as myself. I’ve loved and I’ve lost, and I’ve gained so much knowledge of friendships and relationships and what it means to grow up and sometimes grow apart.

I’ve noticed myself blatantly more comfortable around people. Showing up in every moment like its mine.  Challenging myself to make each face smile.

No one’s approval fucking matters.

I’ve been sober for over 30 days, and I’ve learned a lot of things about myself that I wasn’t anticipating:

Social settings.  And I mean anything from one-on-one dinners with my boyfriend, to garages full of smoke, to thumping dance floors in San Francisco nightclubs. I’ve been making the conscious decision not to say No to going somewhere, simply because I won’t be drinking. It’s actually incredibly eye opening who still makes plans with you after you stop getting wasted.

Meeting new people. When you know that you’re for sure as drunk as the person next to you, it’s easier to throw a comment out to someone new. Party favors bring everyone together to speak the same language. Drunk minds think alike, sober minds think independently. Meeting new people means relying on your sober wits.  It means explaining to guys paying for your redbull why you don’t want vodka in it.

Weekends. Suddenly the weekends mean there’s a lot of time for getting up early to accomplish the things you’ve been meaning to do for the last 6 years. Wholesome activities. I’m not talking about catching up on House of Cards while nursing a blue Gatorade.

Bad days. Granted, I don’t have many of these, but recently something did happen that made me look at my bestfriend and say, “I want a fucking drink.” Bad days, even far and few between, pair well with a beer. Scary as it is, you will find new avenues of coping without a crutch.