Month: August 2016

What’s always fascinated me, is the act of “living somewhere”.  Anywhere. Everywhere. Having a spot of residence in any one place in the universe.  Everyone’s home is somewhere different than yours. Mentally, emotionally, geographically.

You don’t have to live anywhere you don’t want to.
You don’t have to be anyone you don’t want to.

I can vividly remember every bedroom I’ve ever had. Every house, every city, every life it led.
Short excerpts and memories from life that time I lived in…

I love the conversations that follow the statement: “I lived there once!”
Everyone is so fascinated by travel.
Everyone loves someone familiar with their hometown.

Trying on towns and cities, finding what fits best, finding what doesn’t fit at all.  What if your neighbors in the next city over ‘get you’ more than your neighbors here?  What if you never met the bestfriend you have now?  What if your perfect lover lives in a different city, but you never meet because neither of you traveled?  What if you never discover the best rib eye you’ll ever eat just because you never stopped anywhere new?

Evolving has become a hobby for me.  A curve in the monotony of work and home and work and home and work.  Keep it fresh. Change it up.  Change cities.  Change jobs.  Change your physical perspective on life.  New freeway exit in your list of directions home.  Have a new closest Target.  Have a new Best Taco Shop Nearby.

If you never grow, you’ll be an infant forever.

My favorite parts of my boyfriend are the parts of him that expose me to myself. I notice that when I brainstorm ideas with him, my thoughts are the clearest they’ve ever been. When I speak to my boyfriend, I catch myself being more honest with him than I’ve ever been with myself. Our relationship in its own blows my mind every day, with the way we met, how long it took us to connect, the intensity in which we both fell in love, and the radiation of adoration in which we see each other- but that’s a different story entirely.

I was out to lunch with my wonderful boyfriend last week, when he asked me what was wrong?
I could feel my eyes grow huge as I set my beer down, “what do you mean?”

“You’ve had something on your mind for a few days now,” he raised his eyebrows. “Tell me.”

I’ve had something on my mind. Something weighing heavy on my mind. And it reminds me of each time I’ve looked into my bestfriends eyes with watery eyes of my own, “dude how do I know if I’m making the right decision?”

“Every decision,” she always tells me, “is the right one.”

And she’s right. Because even if it doesn’t turn out how you wished, you still learned. And you still grow. And you still experienced a slice of life you otherwise wouldn’t have.

I hate losing friends. And I love making excuses for friends. And I’m grateful for my true friends that remind me, it’s not a friend if you need to find excuses. And if it’s not a friend to begin with, you haven’t lost a friend at all.

I’ve been pardoning myself and my behaviors and my thoughts lately as, “I’m just going through a weird time in my life.” It’s always followed with a chuckle because I am by no means apologizing, just offering up a reason for my out of character thoughts.

For almost a month now, my boyfriend has been using the same phrases again and again to help me get through the funk I found. “It sucks when friends become different people” and “Well that’s not much of a friend now, is it?”

It’s not a mistake. It wasn’t gold to begin with, so I can’t feel bad for not valuing it as such. I tried something out and it didn’t work. I recover well, I adapt quickly, and I always come out on top. I’m feeling so over-the-top thankful for the people in my life. The new, the original and the real. I’m learning so much these days. Learning about who I was, who I am, who I want to be, and who I want there for it.

I enjoy changes so much. And the universe usually provides it in extremities. I don’t just change within myself so simply. The job, the house, the car, the city always changes with it.

I start my new job tomorrow; may the rest follow…

I believe that you are a creation of every experience you’ve ever had. Choose them wisely.

Every word you’ve ever heard, every action you’ve ever seen, every place you’ve ever been, every person you’ve ever met, has shaped your path. Your thoughts become actions. Your actions become your world.

Something that I’ve been determined to learn, is how to quickly move past the vexation caused by others that simply do not care for my personality. It’s not something that I’m terrific at, and I haven’t gotten much practice, but I’m definitely getting the hang of dismissing those that simply do not care for me.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

What others think of you is none of your business. You cannot live a positive life if you focus only on the negative. Learn from not only your mistakes, but the mistakes of others as well.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

You do not owe anyone an apology or an explanation. Anyone who has decided not to like you has already made up their minds, and it is not your responsibility to change it. So, remove yourself from their company. You cannot continue dancing with the devil and wonder why you’re still in hell.

“Don’t cry over a quarter when there’s a million dollars a head of you.”

Do not dwell on the handful of people that have decided not to like you, when there is a whole world full of people ready to love you.  After all, a lion does not lose sleep over the opinion of a sheep.

It breaks my heart to think that someone can sacrifice so much of themselves for someone else, that they no longer feel like they need the comfort of friends in their lives.

I’ve been struggling to understand and to come to terms with the fact that everyone loves differently. Everyone seeks romantic relationships for different reasons, and as much as I can hope that it’s to better themselves and each other, I understand that this is not always the case.

I’m a firm believer in that you are a product of everyone you’ve met. You become a reflection of the world around you, and you are the perfect combination of the experiences you’ve created. I believe that if you continue to surround yourself in the same environment, you will soon cease to grow. You will cease to learn. You will cease to become.

I’ve witnessed former friends begin relationships that they were not ready for. Hopping in, neck-deep, into uncharted waters. I’ve witnessed friends transform from bestfriends to strangers, because of their significant other’s opinion of their other friendships. I’ve lost friends partially, temporarily, permanently, over their romantic relationships and this reason alone is why I was a disbeliever in romantic relationships altogether for such a long embarrassing time. How could I even become attracted to someone in the first place who disliked my friends?  …I am literally a product of the people I choose to surround myself with.

I believe you should seek love in someone who challenges you. Someone who empowers you. Someone who makes certain you’re maintaining a positive attitude. Who reminds you that you’re loved. Loved without conditions. Loved without question. Someone who teaches you. Someone who learns from you. Someone who brainstorms with you.  Someone who makes certain you’re staying true to yourself, regardless of what that might mean for their own wants.

It breaks my heart to think that girls I once considered friends are disregarding parts of themselves to please someone else. It breaks my heart to think that these girls think that’s what love is about. It’s breaking my heart trying to understand that everyone just wants to feel loved, even if that means destroying parts of themselves.

Is it still “love” if you’re constantly just trying to earn it?