I knew that I had to leave, long before I did.
I grieved our relationship while I was still in it. We lived together as strangers for weeks. Part of me hoped one of us would stop this train in it’s tracks but I knew it would only prolong the inevitable.
The day I finally said out loud to him that I was leaving, was in response to him telling me what he was making for dinner that night. The words pierced the air, but they were no surprise. Nothing was a surprise anymore.
“I’m moving out this weekend.”
I was going through the motions of what I needed to do, while not feeling much of anything at all. Survival mode engaged. I finally closed the door I’d been struggling to hold open and crossed a threshold back to myself. I am the same person I was; it feels like spending time with an old friend.
It’s been a month today since I began this new chapter and while it hasn’t been easy, it’s been simple. Sometimes you carry more than you’re aware of. Sometimes you adopt characteristics and thinking patterns, without even realizing who you became.
Process anger without holding onto it. Forgive without being asked to. Don’t scorn the people that have hurt you, they’re likely hurting themselves.
God it feels good to be home.
Wild Little Hare 