I’ve been putting off this topic because I haven’t been able to think of a less dramatic synonym for “heartbreak”. It sounds debilitating. Day darkening, life shattering, breath shortening. None of which I’ve experienced recently.
I made a choice this summer to end a meaningful relationship because I wasn’t able to grow within it. My time and energy began to shift, focusing only on how I could help (ultimately, force) him to become a better person for each of us.
Immediately afterwards, I found myself in a natural groove of laughs and affection and safety of essentially a stranger, whom I’d felt I known forever. A love I felt urgently and purely, yet again, a love I could never grow within.
Being deprived of something that I want, for reasons out of my control. It’s not a heartbreak; but it’s discomfort on a high scale.
I’d been made accustomed to lies and deceit. Fibs turned into stories, stories turned into an alternate reality. A web of lies I’m still separating myself from, months later. And I’m not mad; anymore. I cannot spend another minute being angry. I feel nothing but gratitude. Grateful that I can recognize who I am from who I’ve been. Grateful for the knowledge that none of my experiences there were honest- has been key to my ability to continue foward.
I’d never compare the two; it would be comparing beaches to mountains.
I was picked up and built up, repaired by the hands of a stranger. He restored my ability to love, and wiped away the weakness from my eyes. He set my crown on straight and reminded me the world is mine for the taking. A love so pure, and so honest, I cannot kick myself for wanting to live there.
“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
Wild Little Hare 