Month: October 2024

I’ve been feeling very nostalgic lately- My least favorite of the feelings, if I’m being honest.

It’s the nostalgia alone that makes me grovel in gratitude that I’ve curated a life free from shame or regret. Free from any memories that might make this sweet nostalgia feel apocalyptic. I’ve learned how to, and so very eagerly, shed light and love onto every version of myself. Accepting her through every misstep, every mistake, every over-stayed welcome when she should have seen the signs.

Being on the tail end of healing, means being absolutely aware that it was those scrappy past versions of myself navigating the land mines and closed doors that landed me where I am today. Being on the tail end of healing, has proved to me that not every lose is a loss, not every sweet memory requires resuscitation, and not every apology requires reconnection.

Being on the tail end of healing, I’ve discovered that somehow, a late apology hurts more than no apology at all.

I’m grateful I get to reflect on her troubles, trials, tribulations, and sorrow and sadness and trauma with admiration and absolute disbelief of her will to survive, her determination to thrive, her relentless need for peace, her gumption to keep starting over and over until she found where she belongs. My life full of peace, understanding, love, and acceptance, from every outlet- I owe it all to her.

Her hardships, and deprivation, disappointments, and betrayal, heartbreak, and misery- they were not all for nothing.

The best part of my day is waking up enveloped in the safety of your love. Tucked in the bed we share, in the home we built, as the first beams of sunbreak spread across the forest, and the pines turn golden, only for a few minutes.

The second-best part of my day is knowing that I’m safe, secure, loved, seen, heard, and understood. I get to have a beautiful past, present, and future with you by my side the whole way through. There’s nothing we haven’t done, nothing we can’t do. Everything is possible.

The third-best part of my day is existing with you in this beautiful forest we call home. The forest that each of us chose to end up in, by chance, at the same exact time in our travels. Year after year, inching closer to each other, learning separate life lessons, that would one day set us up for the fairytale life we’d each dreamed of.

The fourth-best part of my day is being able to be a child with you; A couple of goofy grown-up kids working their asses off for the life they’ve always wanted. Running a beautiful household together, harvesting a healthy garden, and taking care of all these fucking animals.

The fifth-best part of my day is coming home to you, my best friend, my favorite human, my trusted confidant. Coming home to a beautiful life we’ve chosen to build with, for, and around each other. Crawling into bed at the end of another day with each other, exactly where we belong.

Two strangers having dinner, to two lovers planning a future we once thought was too far-fetched to be possible. Meeting you was the best part of my Spring, falling in love with you was the best part of my Summer. Spending each day with you is the best part of my Forever.